I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
