that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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