My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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