I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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