I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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