guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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