ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
