so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
