I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
