I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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