so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I want a musical about memes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
