I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
