We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize