i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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