hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
