I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
