They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone signed my nipple.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
