your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
