my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
