I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize