my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize