I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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