Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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