When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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