do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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