Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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