My friends, they love my intelligence
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
