allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
