Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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