U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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