so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
