If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
