some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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