you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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