what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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