he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
