The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
