Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
