wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think i got beer on your cat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
