Are we in a gay sports bar?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So much rum. So many feels.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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