Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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