3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
