fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
