Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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