i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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