It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
