I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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