my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
