i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The best revenge is premature balding
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want nice things and good sex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
