i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
