Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
