Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
