the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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