i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
