All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
