love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
