You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
