I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
