Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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