Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
