He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
In America we eat man semen.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
