Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
