Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
