Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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