dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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