Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
