I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
