Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
