I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize