He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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