What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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