GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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