That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
