so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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