sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
