U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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