I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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