So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
