Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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