did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
