Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
