So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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