I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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