its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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