he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Rumble strips road head = magical
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
