dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
