He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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