She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
