We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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