I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
