you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
