he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
