Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
