Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
