I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
