Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize