true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
