No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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