last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
