he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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