Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
