It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she peed on how many people?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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