I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
