Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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