If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize