What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize