Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
