I am puke
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
