I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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